i am back to blogging

i juz cannot hold back my feelings bout yesterday

so i decided to say everything



of all seniors

why must it be u

wadever u said yesterday juz made me cry

till even now my heart juz cant stop thinking bout ytd

my heart now still sinks heavily

juz seeing the BO tags, i feel like burning it

it juz brings back memories of ytd night

i have removed BO tags from my lanyard

as for BO shirt, i shall not wear it till i am over wif tis feeling

i wanted to be an exco ever since FMO

but after seeing yesterday

i dont want to be an exco

i dont want to be part of sit club

i dont want to do anymore events

if doing events juz disappoints my seniors

no matter how much effort

time

then i dont want to do more events and end up disappointing them

what happen to all the seniors i used to know ?

they all changed

even my own OGL

changed

when i am typing all these i really feel like crying

where has tht kind, compassionate seniors i know gone to

they now juz feel so far

so unapprochable

is putting a black face

and scolding us fun ?

u all feel sad, we dont feel sad ?

its our event

we put alot of efforts

yes i most of the time not there

but i will help whenever i can

even tho i am not there

i have a bond wif BandzOut

and yes i dont like BO

i prefer Phat Nite

but yet i am so bonded wif this event

and yet u say things like that which really made me ...

my exco dreams

juz shattered at that very moment

if i really make it to exco

i would give up the position

why would i want to lie to myself ?

putting that fake plastic face

juz to terrify my juniors

and saying im ur senior u muz respect me

is that wad seniors are for ?

and also trying to make us learn this way ?

how many ppl can take it?

is making ppl cry the objective ?

i believe there are better ways to teach a junior

and wanting me to not be true to myself ?

i am not able to this

sometimes i feel

my seniors are so scary

i really duno wad to do

are they my frens ? or are they my foes

w/o lanyard they juz talk to me like fren

wif lanyard on they become like people i nvr see before

is this wad a senior is ?

if it is,

i dont want to be one

and wadever we do

is juz for image of the club ?

do u all ever think about wad u say is very guo fen

u are comparing our feelings wif an object

a non living thing

do u know how much it actually impacted me ?

all they care is the image of the club

wow , hypocrites

i dont really care if the excos hate me

about wadever i say

i dont care if they treat me as enemy

i will say all my feelings for all these 1 year i have known them

and saying negative things bout helpers

without helpers do u think we have today?

do u know that helpers actually an zhong help us ?

i dont want say who

but do u know ?

the whole back drop

is a hardwork of all of us ?

and do u know this backdrop

i have to go home very late becos of it

and the amount of work i put in

yes i agree it is not nice

i really duno wad to say

and when u shouted at us

for not helping

u think we dare to touch the equipments ?

they are so costly u think we dare to touch ?

and is being a senior mean u can shout at us ?

use us a chu qi tong ?

u angry u scold us

u sad also scold us

cry in front of us

make us feel guilty

is this wad a senior should do ?

isn't the job a senior to guide ur juniors no matter wad ?

by using sarcastic comments is even worse

saying that by giving feedbacks u guys will change

but i dont see a difference

u guys still juz boss people around wif ur authority

seeing ur juniors in pain

did u bother to talk to them ?

i meant yesterday

i almost broke down

my IC cried

did u guys care ?

u call this caring ?

and wad happen in the end

u all still can like nth happen

i really pei fu u all

having to master the arts of being a hypocrite



i dont want to say anymore

u guys have negative feedbacks

so do i